


Fury

by whooshboomtree



Series: The Eighth War Over, the Battle Continues [1]
Category: Rockman X | Mega Man X
Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Nightmares
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-10
Updated: 2018-07-10
Packaged: 2019-06-08 04:05:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,659
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15234930
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whooshboomtree/pseuds/whooshboomtree
Summary: It pained Axl to know how easily Lumine had trapped him in this situation with no way out. And it pained him even more to know how good Lumine was at picking up on people's weaknesses, how capable he was at tearing people down by picking away at their insecurities bit by bit.





	Fury

**Author's Note:**

> Whatup y'all, I have a lot of emotions about Axl.  
> So this weekend while skimming the internet I came across a super dope piece of Lumine and Axl fanart by tumblr user kimmangcon, and it gave me the most immediate surge of extremely strong Axl emotions that I had to do SOMETHING with them.  
> I also got to play through X8 recently with my bestest friend and please based Capcom give us X9 and please give me all the canon Axl feelings I desire PLEASE.  
> Anyway, enjoy some hurt and feelings and terror from Axl's side of things. Takes place a little more than a month after the events of X8.

It’s a quiet night, just like it should be. Quiet enough that X and Zero gave me the go-ahead to split off and patrol the residential district on my own, which they haven’t done in...I mean, a while, really. They really do worry about me too much, it’s like having two fussy dads sometimes. Especially here lately.

 

I guess all things considered this time I can’t blame them though, after what happened.

 

It is nice to run free for a while though, the night air cold and crisp flowing through my ventilation systems and a light breeze whipping against my cheek. Now and again, I’ll get a blip on my sensors, but only small ones, just cats being cats and dogs bounding up to the fences and at some point a possum skittering up a tree.

 

But then a bigger blip appears, right behind me and far, far too close for comfort and sets every instinct in my processor on edge-

 

“Are you enjoying your evening stroll, Axl?”

 

_ No _ -!

 

I shouldn’t be hearing that voice, but I spin around, pistol already in hand and finger on the trigger, and sure enough he’s standing right in front of me, his pristine white armor practically a beacon under the moonless night sky. The first thing I feel is confusion, because I was there myself when he died, then fear, because there’s no one else around, then... _ anger _ . Hot, fierce, surging anger that leaves me with an immediate desire to shove my gun as far down his throat as it’ll go.

 

“You look surprised,” he hums with that smug smile that just makes me hate him even more. “Is something wrong?”

 

“You shouldn’t be here,” I say, not immediately pulling the trigger, but keeping my gun leveled steadily at his head nonetheless. “We left your smoking corpse on the moon a month ago.”

 

“Rather rude of you, I might say,” he replies dryly.

 

I narrow my eyes, and even though every part of me wants to wring his neck and thrash him ‘til he’s a bloody mess, I’m still a Maverick Hunter, and I still have to do this...the right way. “Regardless of how, I meant it when I said you’re not supposed to be here,” I say, working hard to keep my voice steady and my tone properly calm and commanding. X and Zero are still way better at it, but I’m getting there. Sort of. Sometimes. “If we hadn’t taken you out on the moon, you would’ve been under trial for a number of things, so I’d suggest coming along without a fight.”

 

“Wanting a better world is hardly a crime,” he says, examining his nails idly, and I’m sure he’s making every effort to get me riled up right now.

 

“Collaborating with a known Maverick and a sentient virus is,” I shoot back. “As is having a part in orchestrating multiple violent incidents across Abel. Now do you want to do this the hard way, or do you want to give up now and save me the trouble?”

 

“Such confidence from such a flimsy young prototype,” he says, the word ‘prototype’ making me grit my teeth. “And I wouldn’t do that,” he adds when I start to reach toward my earpiece to call for backup. “Not if you value the residents around here.”

 

He shifts slightly, and I brace myself for an attack, but he doesn’t move from where he stands as a brightly glowing crystal floats up from behind his shoulder, casting a red light over his body. He holds out his hand, and again I ready myself, but he doesn’t point at me. Instead, he stretches his arm out so his palm is facing the two-story house just to his left-

 

Shit.

 

Shit, shit,  _ shit _ …

 

If he tries to hurt someone I have to protect them at all costs, but surely he’d use the tiniest moment of distraction to make a run for it, or worse stab me in the back while I’m trying to usher people out of a burning building, but like hell I can take this guy on my own, not when it took the three of us together to take him down last time and even then none of us walked away unscathed-

 

He must sense my frustration, because he chuckles, wiggling his fingers as if to really rub in how easily he put me in an impossible situation. “What’s with that look?” he asks. “You and X are both far too soft and easy to manipulate.”

 

“Shut up,” I practically snarl. “Don’t talk about X like that. And don’t think for a second you’re walking away from this.”

 

“Oh really?” he hums. “And who’s going to stop me? The cute little prototype who thinks he’s a hero because he has a nice, fancy title?”

 

“You see anyone else around?” I growl, still firmly holding my ground. I just need to buy time, I need a way out of this, some way to disable him or let X and Zero know without making it obvious, or maybe if I just stall long enough they’ll get worried and come looking for me.

 

“Not a person who would bother to help someone like you,” he says. “You see, Axl…”

 

He turns and begins to pace, the crystal still floating at his shoulder as a taunting reminder that he’s the one in control...at least for now, until I can come up with an idea. “When you think about it, Reploids are like all technology, are they not? We think, and we feel things, and we have our own lives, but when it comes down to it we’re as much technology created by humans as any television or computer.”

 

I narrow my eyes, following his every movement and becoming increasingly irritated by how little it phases him to have a gun pointed at him with every step. “All technology becomes obsolete over time,” he goes on. “Research and techniques improve, programming improves, and you can only upgrade an old model so many times before it can’t handle the strain anymore.” He glances up, a smirk playing at his lips. “Wouldn’t you say the same is true for your dear friends?”

 

“You leave them  _ out of this _ !” I shout, my momentary snap making him chuckle quietly. “Reploids aren’t the same as all that! And even if they were, you don’t get to make that choice for them!”

 

“Calm down now,” he says, never once losing his disgustingly smug smile. “There’s no need to get so angry. You are a Maverick Hunter trained to deal with these situations, aren’t you?”

 

I just fix him with my fiercest glare, determined to keep swallowing the insults if only to buy myself more time. “Then again, I suppose that’s harsh of me,” he adds. “It’s not really fair of me to expect emotional maturity from an unfinished prototype, is it?”

 

Anger flares in the pit of my stomach, all sense of caution quickly buried under seething hatred as I stride closer to him, my shoulders tensed and my finger twitching against the trigger of my pistol. “ _ What _ did you say about me?” I hiss. “You wanna say that again to my face?”

 

“Now now,” he says in that mocking, condescending tone that makes me want to wring his neck. “You’re only proving my point by getting so hot and bothered.”

 

I know that. I  _ know _ that, and I’m close enough at this point to clock him in the face if I really want to, but he’s still just  _ standing _ there acting all high and mighty just because he’s a ‘more advanced model’ and I hate him so,  _ so _ much! But I can’t...do anything rash, I need to keep my head together and keep stalling for time, even if my hands are  _ shaking _ with fury as I take two slow steps back. “I meant what I said back then, you know,” he says. “The world is changing and the Maverick Hunters are far from perfect. Perhaps my methods were a bit harsh, but all three of you must’ve thought I had a point if the way you hesitated was anything to go by.”

 

“Shut up,” I growl, but he just continues on unphased.

 

“Besides, do you really think any of the three of you can keep doing this for much longer? If peace ever does come, Zero’s existence will cease to have meaning, being that it’s no great secret that he’s built and programmed for nothing more than fighting.”

 

“Shut up!” I repeat, taking another step closer. “Just shut up already!”

 

Still, he carries on, and I can feel my breaths starting to speed up with the effort of holding myself back. “And unless I’m mistaken, X is barely holding on to his sanity by a thread,” he says. “How much longer can a pacifist like him continue murdering others before he finally snaps, do you think?”

 

“Stop talking if you know what’s good for you!” I shout. “Don’t you talk about them like that, Lumine!”

 

“And  _ you _ ?” he says, reaching out to grab my chin for half a second before I slap his hand away. “A half-finished prototype whose programming won’t ever let him mature beyond a child?”

 

“That’s not true!”

 

“The world is going to swallow you up, Axl,” he taunts. “Your body and programming were never meant for this, you’ll probably break down in the middle of a mission someday and get someone killed.”

 

“I  _ won’t _ !” I cry out, ashamed of the way my voice breaks slightly, but it’s not true, I  _ won’t _ , I’m better than that, I’m not broken or unfinished I’m  _ not _ …!

 

“Really,” he says, holding his arms up in a shrug and continuing to talk as if I haven’t said anything at all. “It must’ve been a fluke that they let you of all people become a Maverick Hunter.”

 

All of the fury and hatred I’ve been repressing surges through my core, and for a second my vision seems to go white with rage. “You shut your  _ fucking _ mouth!” I yell, stepping forward again and thrusting the barrel of my gun under his chin. “Say one more fucking word, you son of a bitch! Say that to my face again, I  _ dare _ you!”

 

“What are you going to do?” he asks, his smirk still unwavering even now. “Shoot me?”

 

W...what?

 

His complete indifference startles me, and it must show on my face because he chuckles and shakes his head, folding his hands behind his back idly. “Imagine the political nightmare if you actually did, though. An S-rank Maverick Hunter shooting someone in the face during a non-violent altercation in a residential district? And what would your excuse be? You  _ thought _ I might do something dangerous? How well would that hold up to the press’s questioning?”

 

“Stop _ talking _ ,” I insist, but it's getting harder and harder to keep my voice steady and I hate how pathetic I must sound right now. “Lumine, I’m warning you…!”

 

“If you hate me so much, then do it,” he interrupts. “Pull the trigger. I dare you.”

 

My whole body is shaking, and I want to, I want to pull the trigger and kill him on the spot so,  _ so _ bad, but I know better, I  _ know _ I can’t do that because it won’t solve anything but I hate him so  _ fucking _ much…! “Go ahead, prototype,” he goes on, his smirk and that word sending another flash of rage across my vision and making my hand tense against the weapon’s grip. “Do it.”

 

I should- I should just do it now and be rid of him forever and never have to hear his stupid voice or see his stupid smug face ever again, and my finger is twitching against the trigger and my other fist is clenched so tightly my knuckles are starting to hurt and-

 

And I close my eyes because maybe if I don’t have to see his face while I do it, it won’t be as bad-

 

And as soon as I close my eyes, all I can see is X, and how disappointed he’d be, and Zero too, how much it would hurt them both, and I can’t…

 

I can’t...do it…

 

I grit my teeth, taking a deep, shuddering breath and slowly forcing myself to lower my arm, my servos practically aching with the effort. “Enough,” I whisper hoarsely. All the coolant in my body is still practically boiling with rage, and my core is  _ pounding _ and my head is starting to hurt, but I won’t...do that. I won’t. I’m better than that. “Enough, Lumine. I’m not risking my reputation and theirs over a grudge. I’m not.”

 

I start to turn away, knowing that I need to calm down and get my head on straight and come up with a better plan, but I stop in my tracks and stiffen when he pipes up again with a practically singsong, “With a will as weak as yours, it’s a wonder you haven’t gotten X and Zero killed trying to keep your sorry prototype self safe on the field yet.”

 

Dammit, that’s  _ it _ !

 

I spin around, swinging my weapon arm at his face and bracing my servos for the impact of the back of my gun against his jaw. Instead though, he snaps his own arm out and catches my wrist in a vicelike grip, holding me back with a strength I didn’t expect for how physically small he is compared to a lot of people I know. Terror rushes through me, mixing with the still-boiling rage, and I find myself beginning to shake for an entirely different reason.

 

He's got me right where he wants me. And I walked right into it.

 

“Please, Axl,” he scoffs. “I know you’re naive, but I didn’t think you even close to  _ this _ foolish. You really think you can fight me on your own?”

 

I don’t say anything, because I know the answer to that too damn well, and he knows it too. “Oh, and don’t think I’m unaware of your little game of stalling for time,” he adds, sending another pulse of fear racing through me. “X really is holding on by a thread lately though, isn’t he?”

 

He tightens his hold on my wrist, and suddenly his intentions are all too clear and all of the anger in me is rapidly becoming overwhelmed by  _ fear _ , fear that makes ice run down my spine and makes my core race so hard I’m surprised it hasn’t shattered my chest compartment by now. “How do you think X would handle himself,” Lumine goes on, and there’s no mistaking the very real threat in his tone, “if, after letting you run off on your own believing you’d be safe, seeing you prance away with that carefree smile of yours, the next thing he saw of you was what’s left of your broken, bloody corpse?”

 

Panic seems to lend me the strength to tear my wrist free, and I’m so damn scared all I can think to do is run, just run,  _ run _ before he has a chance to kill me, I have to run…!

 

I do just that, my breaths coming in shaky, broken gasps, but I only make it a few steps before something cold wraps around my ankle and pulls, dragging me to the ground so hard that my chin slams into the concrete. It hurts, but I don’t have time to stop and assess the damage, scrambling to get to my feet. As I twist my body around, readying myself to aim and fire, I’m able to make out that the thing around my ankle is a thin, lavender tendril, and I look up at him just in time to see a second one burst out of the crack in his chest armor.

 

I jerk my arm back, but not in time to stop him from catching my forearm with the second tendril, and I cry out as he wrenches my arm to one side hard enough to snap the skeletal supports in my wrist and force me to drop my gun. The pain is nearly blinding, and I can hardly think straight in my panic, but all I know is that I have to get away, get away from here, save myself and  _ run _ .

 

Though all I truly want to do is lay on the ground and whimper like a coward, I summon what little courage I have left and twist the other way, pulling my arm against his grip as hard as I can and gathering power into the jets on my ankles. I just need one good surge, just enough to tear free so I can run with everything I’ve got, just  _ go _ !

 

I push off with both feet at the same time as I activate my jets at full power, more than I expected as both tendrils break with a sickening sound that’s somewhere between ripping flesh and shredding wires and the sudden loss of tension sends me sprawling forward. Instinct has me trying to catch myself on my hands to save my face from colliding with the sidewalk again, the weight on my shattered wrist making me cry out in pain.

 

Still, for all the stumbling I manage to make it back onto my feet, and it pains me to leave my pistol behind like this but like hell I’m looking back or slowing down, as it is I have to pray he’s startled for just long enough for me to get some distance-

 

But again, I don’t make it more than a few steps, and this time the terror is even more intense as his next tendril catches me around the neck. Without thinking, I bring both hands up in a futile attempt to tear it free, and as I do he lashes two more around my ankles and pulls again, and once more I find myself falling to the ground.

 

My knees hit first, though my armor absorbs most of the impact, and again I find myself nearly shrieking as I reflexively try to catch myself on my hands and only succeed in sending pain exploding through my broken wrist. “You really do have spunk for a prototype,” Lumine says, though his voice is becoming faint around the coolant roaring in my ears. I have to do something, I have to find a way out of this, I have to...I have to…!

 

The tendril around my neck tightens, and though I don’t exactly need to breathe to survive, it’s only worsening my desperate gasps for air to keep my systems properly cooled, and between that and the overwhelming terror I can feel myself quickly beginning to overheat. A second tendril joins it, squeezing ever harder, and I begin frantically clawing at my throat, fear and heat starting to make my head feel fuzzy, too fuzzy to think of a plan, too fuzzy to activate my copy chip, too fuzzy to call up an emergency signal, too fuzzy to do anything but kick and flail and try without success to rip the tendrils away, and sure he can’t strangle me but there’s nothing stopping him from snapping my neck-!

 

I’m gonna die, he’s gonna kill me here, I’m gonna  _ die _ here and X and Zero are going to find a bloody corpse just like Lumine said, and I can hear a steady beeping in my earpiece as my system warns me of impending heat damage and the beginnings of cracks in the servos in my neck, and I’m so fucking scared and I have to do something, but what,  _ what _ ?!

 

Lumine’s shadow falls over me, and I screw my eyes shut, my struggles weakening as pain and exhaustion begin to overcome my will to fight back. I attempt to cry out for help, not that anyone's around to hear, but all that comes out is a strained, breathless gag. This is it, isn’t it? I’m done. I’m done for, and all because I couldn’t control my stupid temper. He was right, I really am still emotionally immature, I always have been and I’ve hardly grown up at all…

 

But still…

 

Still, something…

 

Something in me isn’t ready to stop yet.

 

I’m an S-class Maverick Hunter in the 17th Unit. And if I’m going to die, it’s not going to be cowering on my hands and knees. Even if the last thing I can manage is a glare of defiance before he snaps my neck, at least I can say I went out fighting.

 

So I gather up every last ounce of courage and willpower, bracing myself for a moment before lifting my head, ready to fix Lumine with the fiercest glare I can possibly manage, a glare filled with so much fury and hatred that I hope it burns a hole right through him-

 

And when I open my eyes, Lumine’s gone and the world around me is dark.

 

The pressure around my throat is gone too, and I take in a huge gulp of air, my hand instinctively flying up to my neck, and the tendrils are gone as well. My wrist doesn’t hurt any more, and there’s soft cloth under me and around me, but there’s still a beeping noise in my ear, my…

 

My communicator…?

 

I’m...I’m in...in bed. Which means it wasn’t real. It was just a dream.

 

Just a horrible, bad, awful,  _ awful _ dream.

 

My systems are still overheated, and I sit up with a grunt and shove the blankets off of myself, dragging my hands down my face and leaning forward, my whole body still...still  _ shaking _ , I know it was just a dream but I’m still shaking like a leaf in the wind…

 

After a few moments, I realize that my communicator is still beeping, more urgently now, and I draw a shuddering breath to steady myself before reaching up to answer, too shaken to even check who it is. I just...really want to hear someone else talking right now. “Th...this…” My voice cracks, and I shake my head, clearing my throat and trying again. “Ax...Axl speaking.”

 

“Axl are you all right?” comes X’s voice, and I can’t help but feel my shoulders loosen with relief. “I know you’re a heavy sleeper but this isn’t like you, what happened?”

 

His immediate worry brings a trace of a smile to my features, but only for a moment before it fades as a fresh wave of terror shudders through me. “Sorry,” I say, my voice soft and hoarse. “I was having...one hell of a nightmare.” I pause to bring up a display with the time in my left optic, groaning in dismay when I see how late it is. “Shit, I really overslept for our practice session, m’sorry…”

 

“Don’t worry about it this time,” X says. “Are you sure everything’s okay?”

 

It’s...really not, but…

 

“Yeah, I’m fine,” I say, trying to force a little more pep into my voice. “Gimme like twenty to get myself together and we can have a shorter session if you still wanna?”

 

“I don’t have anything else on my plate ‘til this afternoon,” he says, and that’s...a relief, honestly, because I really need to work off some steam and get my mind off of this. “As long as you’re up to it.”

 

“Course I am,” I scoff. “I’ll meet you in the practice room.”

 

I quickly cut the communication before my voice can waver again, and just in time too as another shiver runs down my spine. Cool it, cool it, just a dream, bad dream, that’s all.

 

Hardly the first one I’ve had about Lumine since the fight on the moon, but...definitely...the worst so far…

 

Shake it off, I tell myself as I rub my eyes and grab my hairbrush from the nightstand, quickly getting the knots out and pulling my hair back into its usual spikes. Shake it off, hold it together, I’ll feel better once I start training and put my mind on other things. It’s just stress, that’s all. Stress and a little lingering mental trauma, I’m hardly the first Hunter to have nightmares, and who can blame me after everything that happened that day, right?

 

Right…?

 

Right…

 

Even so, halfway through putting my armor on I find myself sitting down on the bed and holding my head in my hands, digging my nails into the edges of my scar and trying to concentrate on taking slow, deep breaths instead of on the weird nagging feeling of impending doom that keeps making my skin crawl every few minutes. Asimov in heaven, what the hell is wrong with me…

 

A knock on the door makes me jump, but I relax a moment later when I hear X’s soft, familiar voice call my name. “Hey X,” I call back. “You can come in if you want, you know the code.”

 

I straighten up as he enters, trying to look a little more like a collected S-rank Maverick Hunter and not like a sad, sorry, exhausted mess who’s only wearing half his armor. “Told you I’d be twenty minutes,” I say, brushing my bangs off of my forehead- granted they fall right back down as soon as I take my hand away- and managing a smile. “I’m not even dressed yet.”

 

“Sorry,” X says, and there’s no missing the crease of worry on his features. “I didn’t mean to rush you, I was just worried. You...didn’t sound like yourself. And it’s not like you to sleep through a comm signal.”

 

“Yeah, I…” I want to say that I’m fine, but I’m also...not, in so many ways, and it doesn’t feel right to lie about it, especially not when he’s this concerned. “You...you know...how I’ve been having nightmares, right? Real vivid ones? Since...since the thing happened?”

 

X nods, sitting down on the bed next to me, and I feel some of my nervous tension easing as he places a hand on my shoulder. “They’re getting worse?” he guesses, and I just nod wordlessly. “How bad?”

 

“Bad enough that I woke up just shy of full panic thinking I was being strangled to death?” I say, and wow that came out a lot more blunt than I intended.

 

X must think so too, because the look on his face is somewhere between horror, concern, and an unspoken need to kill Lumine two more times over even though he’s already dead. “That’s…”

 

“Pretty rough, yeah,” I sigh. “Not to mention I’m freaking exhausted ‘cause I can’t get a decent night’s sleep when I see his smug face every time I doze off.”

 

He frowns, looking strangely thoughtful, and I wonder if he’s trying to think of something to say, or if he’s just thinking of multiple ways to take sweet, sweet revenge on a dead guy. “Do you think...what he said was right?” I ask, knowing that it’ll never stop nagging at me unless I hear it from someone who’s a lot smarter than I am.

 

“Which part?”

 

“I guess...a couple parts,” I reply after a moment’s hesitation. “About evolution, and...you know, the world changing, and...us...people like us not being needed. Older models like you and Zero. And people like me.”

 

In a way I kind of regret asking, because I know it bothered him, and I can tell by the look on his face that it still does. “In...some ways, he wasn’t wrong,” he admits. “The world is changing, and technology advances and marches on. But…”

 

He sighs, a smile tugging at his features for a moment. “You were in and out most of the way back down from the moon, so you probably didn’t hear. But Zero could tell it was still on my mind, and he said...he said we still have to fight. Even if we’re eventually destined to join the scrap heap, that’s no excuse to give up.”

 

I frown, not because it doesn’t sound like something Zero would say, but because that doesn’t make Lumine wrong, and I hate it. “And the more I think about it, the more I realize he’s right,” X goes on. “What we have isn’t something we can control, but it’s only part of the equation. What we  _ can _ control is what we  _ do _ with what we have, and  _ that’s _ something advances in technology can’t make obsolete.”

 

I lower my eyes, because that’s so much easier for him to say, sure he’s an older model but he’s always been the  _ pinnacle _ of things, he’s what my entire existence and design is based on for fuck’s sake. And Zero was designed from the ground up to be strong and clever and athletic, mind you for all the wrong reasons, but still…

 

Still…

 

“It really gets to you, doesn’t it?” X asks softly, tightening his grip on my shoulder for a moment. “Having people call you a prototype like that. It bothered you up there a lot more than you let on.”

 

“Yeah, it did,” I admit after another hesitant pause. “Not so much like...being called a prototype, because I mean, you know, I am one. It’s just...the way he brushed me off, and turned that against me and made me feel so...so much  _ lesser _ , it…” I clench my fist, drawing in a heavy breath before letting my arm go slack. “It makes me so fucking  _ angry _ , but it hurts, too. It...it’s like being punched in the stomach.”

 

I’m sort of rambling a little, but X isn’t stopping me, and it feels...kind of good to get all this off my chest, so I keep going. “That’s how he always gets to me in my dreams. Every single damn time, he just keeps pushing my buttons like he knows my every insecurity until I finally snap and end up right where he wants me. And...and  _ I _ know I’m better than all that, or at least I wanna think so, but...knowing...knowing that he sees me like that, I can’t...help but worry that other people do too.”

 

Okay so I didn’t really mean to say  _ that _ much but hey, can’t take it back now, good morning here’s all of my emotional baggage you’re quite welcome. X has always been good at listening though, and he’s never seemed to mind it when I need to rant about something, so here’s hoping this is no exception. “And I guess...the other thing is just...the what if, you know?” I add. “Like...the smart part of me knows nothing will happen because I know my own systems and programming, but especially in the dreams there’s still that stupid...what if. Like...what if something goes really wrong. Or what if something breaks because I’m not...finished…” Shit, that’s hard to say out loud, ouch. “And what if it gets you or Zero or someone else hurt?”

 

“Axl…” X shakes his head, and though his expression is stern, there’s still more than enough warmth and concern in his gaze to help put me at ease, even if only a little. “Believe me, if I was worried about something like that, I wouldn’t have even considered letting them clear you for field duty when you signed up. And I’m sure Zero will agree with me when I say that you’re one of the most capable Hunters either of us have met in a long, long time.”

 

That hits me like a punch to the chest, and not in a bad way but hearing that from X of all people, from someone I’ve looked up to as far back as I can remember, that’s...everything to me. And I  _ know _ X, he doesn’t say things like that to spare hurt feelings, he  _ means _ that. “I don’t care what Lumine or anyone else says,” he continues. “And I don’t care if you’re a prototype or an eighteenth-generation build. I care about what you’re doing today, right now, with what you have.  _ That’s _ what I can say with certainty that Lumine was wrong about.”

 

X really...always does know just what to say, dammit, it’s unfair and I don’t know how he does it.

 

“J...jeez,” I mumble, and for half a second I feel like my eyes are a little hot. “I know you’re worried about me but I didn’t expect...all that…thanks, though, that...that means...a whole hell of a lot…”

 

He ruffles my hair, and I manage a more genuine smile, some of the ache easing from my chest. “Regardless,” he says, “dreams like that aren’t normal, especially if they’ve been getting worse, and I’m still worried about you. If it doesn’t start getting better soon I think you should talk to someone about it who’s better equipped to handle things like that than I am.”

 

“You’re always so good at being nice though,” I say, my smile fading as I wrap my arms around my midsection and look down at the floor. “I...I guess you’re probably right though. Something...just...hit me real hard this time. Even...even after I lost Red, it was hard for a while, and I had some nightmares, but it was never...this bad, you know…? It...it was never this...vivid, they don't  _ feel  _ like nightmares when they're happening or sometimes even afterwards, they just...they feel so  _ real _ …”

 

I trail off, and X doesn’t say anything for a few seconds, and I wonder what he’s mulling over. Something important, I’m sure, so I just let him think. “Axl?” he says at last, prompting me to look up. “Are you sure you’re feeling all right? Other than the dreams, everything’s been okay?”

 

“Well...yeah,” I reply, giving him a puzzled look. “I mean, it took a few days for my headache to go away, and like a week for my self-repairs to deal with all the system shock, but since then I’ve been feeling alright and my scans aren’t showing any glitches or viral activity. I’m just tired, s’all.”

 

He’s looking me right in the eye, and something about his stare is...weirdly intense. Intense enough that after a few seconds I find myself frowning and looking away, scratching the back of my head uneasily. “I’m not bullshitting or anything,” I add. “Like I said, just tired.”

 

“No, no, I believe you,” he says, shaking his head and sitting back. “Sorry about that. Are you still up for a short training session?”

 

“Absolutely,” I say with a relieved smile. “I need something to get my mind off of all this and exercise always makes me feel better.”

 

“Good,” X says, getting to his feet and straightening up. “Finish getting dressed then and we’ll head down together.”

 

He sounds a little more like a commander than a worried dad now, and I can’t help a grin as I reply with, “Yes, sir,” and get him to roll his eyes.

 

I grab the upper half of my armor and give it a quick once-over before beginning to latch it into place, my systems auto-linking with the circuitry and giving me proper readings all around. As I do the same with my gauntlets, I glance over my shoulder to see that X has picked up my helmet and started examining it, turning it over and over in his hands as though searching for something. “Something wrong?” I ask.

 

“No,” he replies without looking up. “No, I don’t think so. This is going to sound odd, but would you mind if I borrow this tonight when you’re done for the day? I’d like to check it over.”

 

That  _ does _ sound odd, and it’s also odd how thoughtful and distracted he looks. “What?” I tease, hoping to coax a reaction out of him. “Don’t trust my repair work?”

 

“No, I trust you,” he says. “There’s just something I’m curious about.”

 

“That’s...vague, but okay, I guess,” I say, scratching the back of my head. “Just bring it back someday, I like that helmet.”

 

That at least gets a smile out of him, and he shakes his head and tosses said helmet across the room into my waiting grasp. I want to say something else smarmy, but some strange feeling stops me, and I feel my smile starting to fade for some reason. “Hey...can...can I ask something weird too?”

 

“Your definition of weird can be pretty scary sometimes, but go ahead.”

 

“No, nothing like that weird,” I say with a shake of my head. “Just...like...can…can I...I mean, can you…”

 

Wow this isn't working at all, is it?

 

Instead of continuing to stutter like an idiot, I just give up and stride across the room and wrap my arms around him, some part of me desperately aching for physical affection right about now. “That,” I say. “Just...that.”

 

“Axl…” He shakes his head and puts his arms around me in return, surprising me with how tight his embrace is. “If you wanted a hug, all you had to do was ask.”

 

I don’t answer, just burying my head against his shoulder and giving in to the desperate need to cling, and at least for a few seconds, everything feels...okay. I know it's just a hug, but it's  _ X’s _ hug, and he's always had this weird, uncanny ability to make me feel safer just by being here and existing.

 

And at last, I feel the lingering sense of dread and doom beginning to ease.

 

Once I'm finally able to let my shoulders relax, I let go, and he ruffles my hair one more time for good measure. “You're a good kid, Axl,” he says. “Chin up, alright?”

 

“All right,” I agree. “I...I really needed that. Thanks.” I can feel confidence starting to trickle through me again, and I manage a brighter smile as a result. “Well come on, we’re burning daylight, right? Let’s warm up and get to it!”

 

“Right, right,” he says, stepping out into the hall and waiting patiently as I grab my pistol and key in the electronic lock behind us. “Axl? One more thing?”

 

“S’up?”

 

“You’d tell me if something was wrong, right?” he asks. “Or tell Zero? Even if it was just a bad feeling you had?”

 

I blink, wondering if there’s anything I forgot to tell him, but other than the fine details of my dream which I  _ don’t _ want to think about long enough to share and don’t feel important enough to share anyway, nothing immediately comes to mind. “Course I would,” I say. “I trust you guys, I know if something was really wrong you’d be right there to help.”

 

“And you promise there’s nothing you’re keeping to yourself that I should be worrying about?”

 

He really is like the world’s fussiest dad, and I can’t help but smile, comforted by the fact that he cares so much even if he’s overbearing at times. “In my defense, you worry about everything,” I point out. “But no, there’s nothing that I can think of, I promise. Even cross my heart promise.”

 

“All right,” he says, finally looking satisfied, if still mildly concerned. “Then let’s get going.”

 

It feels like there’s something  _ he’s _ not telling  _ me _ , like he’s onto something that I haven’t figured out yet, but he’s almost as good at deflecting as Zero is so I don’t bother to pry. And I’m sure if it’s that important or he figures it out he’ll tell me. I trust him on that.

 

He’s smart. Whatever he’s pondering, and whatever that has to do with my helmet of all things if that’s even related, he’ll figure it out soon. I know he will. 

 

Til then, the best thing I can do is just keep...doing. I’ve come way, way too far, no smug bastard or bad dream is gonna tear me down now.

 

Or ever, for that matter, if I have any say in it.


End file.
